Why Getting Unstuck is Critical

I have spoken to so many people, widows, widowers, people whose children have died, those who have lost siblings, parents and other loved ones and so many people say that they will never get over their grief, that they go through the motions of life, that they get out of bed in the morning to meet the dread that they face day in and day out.

From where I sit, new life can be generated and manifested again, and it does take something. It takes accepting the reality of what happened. Not better than what happened and not worse than what happened.

Here is what I mean:

Not better than what happened…

Yes, my husband died and I have a support system in place.

No, your husband died and you do not have him in your life now and will never see him again and that is sad.

and not worse than what happened…

Yes, my husband died and my life is over.

This is what I was saying and it is not true!

What is true is your husband died and there is an impact! And being clear about the impact in reality is what it takes to grieve. It is not reality that you lost him. It is not reality that he was your everything. You are alive and you are capable of everything if you give yourself a chance to be with the reality and the impact of the reality.

Here is an exercise to do:

Write down what you are telling yourself now and ask yourself once you have a list together if each thing you wrote is true or not? If it is not true, then cross it off your list and stop saying it to yourself.

Things you may be saying:

There is a hole in my heart.

My heart is broken.

I can never find love again.

How can I replace what I had? This is tricky because you cannot replace what you had. You will need to create a new want that is in line with what fits you now! Acceptance of this is very important. Why would you want to even replace what you had even if you loved it?

Life is for the living. Start loving and forgiving…including the one who died and yourself.

Thinking of you and all of what those of you who are dealing with the death of a loved one and how you are doing and wishing you the ability to not suffer as much as some of you do. Paulette Kranjac